Jordan Independent - Kids Having Sex - Comments

A high school senior with

Mathias Baden — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:42:40 -0600

A high school senior with whom I play basketball is a good Christian kid. He has expressed irritation at his mother for sending him to so-called "sex class" at church during the time we often play ball together. Last week, he graduated from the class and received a certificate saying he is a sex-free man.

Any thoughts about the effectiveness of classes like this? Did sex class work for you?

(Mathias Baden is the editor of the Jordan Independent. He can be reached at editor@jordannews.com.)

Not to worry and you were

KoolD — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 07:25:05 -0600

Not to worry and you were not. Just think we covered all the ground we can. Thanks for the concerns.

KoolD

KoolD, I hope I wasn't

Cathy W — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 19:53:44 -0600

KoolD, I hope I wasn't offensive - I didn't mean to be. I just meant that I believe I am the same kind of parent - I try to be there for the kids, and give them unconditional love, and to trust them. So when you said you had different methods, I really did want to know how you would do it differently. - Cathy

Cathy, I will leave what I

KoolD — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 15:44:41 -0600

Cathy,

I will leave what I have said as is. Thanks for the comments. Hope that it all works out.

KoolD

KoolD, I'm not exactly sure

Cathy W — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 15:02:26 -0600

KoolD, I'm not exactly sure how our methods would differ? It sounds like you are saying you will not teach them about contraceptives and condoms?

As for stats - of course there will be plenty of kids who chose to wait (and plenty who won't). I don't even really know the numbers, nor do I think it really matters. I know LOTS of my classmates had sex before we graduated from high school, and there were plenty of unwed pregnancies (I graduated in 1987). My 13-year-old has told me of some of his classmates that have started having sex. I also know of the teen movements that are pledging to wait until marriage. The truth is - kids who DO have sex, need to be protecting themselves and their partners, not just for their own benefit, but for future partners if any. (You know the old adage that when you have sex with someone, you are having sex with all of their previous partners).

As for the CNN article - I believe it to be irrelevant to the discussion - it does not address a) the teen sex rate and b) the efficacy of condoms in preventing the spread of chlamydia and c) what percentage of those diagnosed with chlamydia or other STDS had consistently used condoms. The gist of the article is that there are a lot of STD diagnoses. And finally, it doesn't address what percentage of the population overall has gotten an STD (except for one form of syphilis). So we don't even know from the article if the overall percentage that has contracted an STD has even grown.

Cathy W, We agree that kids

KoolD — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 20:43:02 -0600

Cathy W,

We agree that kids make choices and we all have free will. Of that there is little doubt. Yes, I have to agree that there will be kids who decide to have sex and there will be a good percentage who do not. So am I to believe in the good things that any kid is capable of doing or do I do the statistics?

Statistics say basically that all kids are having sex and we should therefore spend our time helping them stay disease free and childless. Personally I believe there is a relevance in the statistical numbers to some degree. Albeit skewed. We can all find numbers to support our position. No matter which it is. Do I think that all kids are the same. No. But I know my kids. I trust them with something like sex. If they chose to go out and make a mistake. Little I can do about it. Agreed. But I have a responsibility to be a Dad in my case. To love them deeply and to be there when they need me. To love them when they fail or not fail. Too many Dads are absent and not in the picture. It is a scourge on our society and the social fabric of our country.

I can say this that I will love my daughters no matter what. My door will always be open to them no matter the circumstance. To do less, would be to deny being a Dad. That is the kind of love that helps kids stay connected and trusting in people. Too bad there is so little of it today. Sex or not. Love can overcome all things. It is the way life that is always looking for good.

In answer to your last paragraph. Yes, but my methods will be different. Modeling is worth more than all the condoms and contraceptives that we so freely hand out. According to CNN that does not seem to be working all that well either. see todays news

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/conditions/11/13/std.rates.ap/index.html

KoolD

I do think it's the parent's

Cathy W — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 10:57:26 -0600

I do think it's the parent's job to teach their kids about sex. But an awful lot of parents DON'T teach their kids about sex or how to protect themselves, and that parental lack of responsibility is putting all young people at risk - of unplanned pregnancies, diseases, and even death.

It's fine to emphasize and push abstinence - which really is the only 100% effective prevention of pregnancy and STDs. However, many kids - if statistics are any indication - ARE going to have sex, despite their family's religious and moral beliefs. Young adults are at their most fertile in their teen years, and never in the adult life, is the person's body so full of hormones urging them to have sex. What does all this mean? That many teens ARE going to have sex. Whether we as parents like it or not.

So, as much as I would prefer my kids (and others) wait until they are older, I am under no illusions that they actually will do what I say, just because I say it. No matter what, the reality is that every teen can and will make their OWN decision whether or not to have sex. And I would rather those that decide not to wait, that they use birth control and condoms, to decrease their risk of pregnancy and disease as much as possible.

Provide them with a moral education, but also arm them with the necessary information to protect themselves. (By the way - statistics show that providing information on condoms does not increase the teen sex rate, debunking the idea that providing information equates approval).

Think of it this way .... if your son or daughter decides to go against your beliefs and have sex - wouldn't you rather they remain childless for the time being and disease-free?

You have provided a pretty

bigbobbob — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 13:53:22 -0500

You have provided a pretty thorough analysis of a not sinple subject. Few will argue that sex is not one of the greater boons and banes provided mankind. Where would we be without it? Obviously, not here. Stay tuned.

Bigbobbob Thanks for the

KoolD — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 08:45:37 -0500

Bigbobbob

Thanks for the great illustration. LOL

Healthy Sex

Well for me it would start with how do you as a husband treat your wife. Do you love her and treat her with the respect and dignity she deserves. Do you openly express affection to her and your daughters and sons if you have any. Do you talk about sex and the expectations for your kids? I mean you sit down and talk about what you as a parent expect. In other words. What was sex, when I was in high school is not sex today. Oral sex today is not considered sex. I mean in those days we considered that like something that only certain people did and none of us would be dating them. But that was then and this is now.

I guess to sum it all up. What is your attitude toward sex? Is it one of those things that is an act or is it about loving someone for who they are and will be even when they get old. Are you in this for the long term or what you can get. That is one of the real issues with getting married for sexual reasons. No one ever gets what they want or need. Yet it is the very reason that marriage exists. Sex is very much about morals. It is so much more than some thing that just happens. It is about a connection to another person. No one walks away from sex unchanged. It is more than the physical. There is indeed something mystical about sex. Allowing my beliefs to impose for a moment. It is something that God gave us. He meant for one woman and one man. Nothing else. That will never change. Go outside of it. Nothing will ever satisfy for the long term. So that is part of my view or as much as I have time for right now.

I totally agree, but the

bigbobbob — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 11:18:27 -0500

I totally agree, but the question looms and remains, What is a 'healthy view of sex?' That is the 800# gorilla in the room. Reminded me of the old story, a man is asked 'How's your wife?' He responded, 'Compared to what?'

"I believe the parents

99avenger — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 23:36:30 -0500

"I believe the parents should really take things upon themselves, instead of pawning if off on someone else to take care of it for them, because they don't feel like it."

Bravo!

This applies to SO many things in your kids life; take this to heart.

Teach your kids; OUR FUTURE. Take the time.

Responsibility for this is not up to anyone but parents.

Schools are a poor subsitute

KoolD — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 08:34:20 -0500

Schools are a poor subsitute for parental love and care.The issue of sex is very personal. I think for some parents it can intimidating. But to ignore it, is to allow for whatever happens, happens. I believe that our kids only handle sex as well as we do. They learn from us. If we have a healthy view of sex. It is a point that can be discussed without embarassment and handled as best we can. As a parent we need to be clear about expectations and understand we cannot control all of our kids behaviors. However, we do have a great deal of influence on them and it starts very early in life. It starts when they are babies and it continues with not trying to be your kids best friend. You need to be a Dad or a Mom. They have lots of friends and they need them. You need to be an adult and act like one. Therefore you can say no when you really need to say no. Build a good relationship with your kids, hope and pray for the best. There are no gaurantees in parenting. Just some thoughts.

Personally I believe that it

Rachel — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 11:41:17 -0500

Personally I believe that it is the job of the parent to teach their children about sex. It's always an weird topic to talk about, no matter who teaches it though. If one is a good parent, they should depend on themselves for teaching their kids they way of the world. It is up to the school to give them an education. Yes, sex is a way of the world, it happens all the time. The school teaches children about the side effects that could come of having sex. I believe the parents should really take things upon themselves, instead of pawning if off on someone else to take care of it for them, because they don't feel like it.

Kids Having Sex

Mathias Baden — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 10:41:33 -0600

A recent study indicates that as many as 30 percent of ninth-graders have already had sex.