To the guy who went to all three games against the Yankees this week: 

You are the reason I hate the New York Yankees. You creepy, crawly people who dig deep down in your wretched little hearts and find that you want to put your hands together for -- of all people -- the lousy Yankees. If you were mere Cincinnati Reds fans, I could care less.

You know no bounds and fail to make your homes somewhere else. Even in the Midwest, where we were once devoid of fans who've bought into the dream of a dying dynasty, you who for some reason like the Yankees keep showing up at my team's games. When a smirking Derek Jeter runs the bases, you give a standing ovation, even in the crowd of Johan Santana and Joe Mauer jerseys inside the controlled environment that is the Metrodome. If preppy power-hitter Alex Rodriguez hits another dinger off of our beloved Boof Bonser, you spur your fellow enemy sympathizers to outcheering the heavily Lutheran (meaning we don't get all too excited) hometown crowd.

You think you're so cute. You think your Yankees have a chance to win another World Series. You're wrong. The Yanks aren't America's team; the Twins are.

Yankees fans, go home.

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